Musings from 2:30am

Payback is a b*tch...

My husband and I were lucky enough to be able to take a week-long vacation, sans kids, to the Dominican a couple weeks go. We farmed the kids out to various family members who generously opened their home and used up their vacation to help us out. Took Gaby a few days to even realize that we were gone, and when she did, she only asked for Daddy (of course). Apparently she kept saying, "Is Daddy still at work?" Too cute.

It seems that Colsen, who's not yet speaking, has decided to make us pay by ending his sleep-through-the-night streak. Yes, he's only nine-months old so there could be other reasons for his sudden wake-ups, but he's been giving us 11-hour stretches for a couple months now, so I believe this is purely malicious.

At 2:30am this morning (after the 1:30am and 2am wake up) I had just about had it. Nearly gave my husband a heart attack when I threw the blankets back and stormed out of bed. Blazed a trail into Colsen's room, up to the crib, I tersely told him to "stop kicking out of his swaddle" (because I'm sure all he needed was a stern talking to *rolls eyes*), put the soother back in his mouth and stormed out.

Back into bed, adrenalin pumping and seriously questioning why I want a third kid, I try to relax. Fifteen minutes later, I was just about to drift off... and my husband starts snoring. Not loud, just a kind of soft, deep breathing. Honest to GOD, I nearly lost my mind. I actually thought, "Dear, you would be safer if you suffered heart failure right now than if you continued to snore..." He must've felt my tension, because the snoring stopped immediately.

I'm currently looking to book another vacation, this time with the whole family, in hopes of righting our wrong. Clearly, Colsen doesn't come cheap.

Baby Sign Language!! We love it!!

Check out our baby sign language experiences on the Wee Hands Baby Signing blog.

Word of the Month: LAZY! *yawn*

I could not believe it when earlier in December a Sesame Street episode actually chose 'lazy' as their word of the day. I was looking for a segue into a 'being lazy' post and now I have it!

I remember being at a friends place when I was younger (14/15 years old) and they had a couple of phone lines in the house. We were in the basement and she actually called upstairs (literally about nine steps away) and asked her Mom to bring down a snack. I thought that was just awesome! I would scold my child now for doing such a thing if she were that age, of course.

I am lazy, and my husband is lazy. We know this and we've come to terms with it. If given the choice, we will always choose staying home and chilling on the couch vs a night out on the town (not that we get many opportunties for that these days).

The pinnacle of laziness occured a couple months ago: I was making lasagna and I wanted him to have a quick look at it while it was cooking. (Just a weird thing we do... .) He was sitting on the couch holding Colsen, about five-feet away, and just didn't want to get up. I understood, of course, so I simply took a picture of the lasagna with the digital camera and walked it over to him. Nice, eh?

I broke a small bone in my foot in early December and it rendered me unable to drive. Any momentum I had died right then and there. Our six-days-a-week of activities stopped. The television became more of a factor in our house (I hate to admit). Add to that the ridiculously cold temperatures and my general distate for winter as a season, and the laziness and 'blahs' have just settled in. I've actually been able to drive for the past couple of weeks, but it's been slow-going getting back into the swing of things. I'm having a really hard time shaking off the lethargy. Sunshine doesn't even help, because I know that sunshine in the winter means cold, cold, cold.

Winter blahs, aside... I'm concerned about how my lazy disposition will influence my kids. Gaby already puts up a bit of a fuss when we're getting ready to go out. She just wants to stay home. One of these days, I'm afraid I'm just going to agree with her and that'll be the end of it.

I've got grand plans for their extra curricular activies in the next handful of years... soccer, swimming, piano lessons, dance, etc. Honestly, I'm exhausted just thinking about it and I just have to drive the car!

*yaaaawwwwn*


Here's the lasagna. :)

Mommy Brain

I'm hoping to get a few personal stories on this post.

A lot has been written on this concept of 'baby brain'... the idea that your memory can become impaired during pregnancy and up to a year after your wee one is born.

Hormones aside, I'm convinced that the after-birth lack of memory has more to do with the lack of sleep, lack of showers, lack of adult contact, lack of nice clothes, lack of elastic skin, etc... .

I think my baby brain incidents have been pretty minor in the grand scheme of things, so I'm willing to share.

Here are a few of the things that have happened (and are still happening) to me and my brain:

• My immediate short-term memory has failed completely. Take a shopping trip, for example. I'll park the car, get out of the car, close the door and then have a minor panic attack because I have no idea where my car keys are. Something I never even used to think about. Of course, they`re in my purse, or in my pocket, but I have no recollection of the previous nano-second when I put them there. In order to alleviate my need to take Lorazepam in order to hit Metro, I actually have to tell myself, out loud, "the keys are in your purse." That eases the stress, and only makes me feel mildly idiotic. This is then repeated for the credit card when I pay for the groceries.

• I had to stop buying nice gloves, and now stick firmly with the 3/$3 mini-magics. I currently have no idea where most of those are.

• When making toast in the morning, I'll take out at least two knives for the peanut butter. One before I start, 'cause I'm efficient like that and want to make sure everything is ready once the toast comes out. When the toast is done, I'll grab another one because why the hell would I have taken out a knife before I needed it.

• I usually make myself a tea in the morning, and due to various activities that take me away from being able to just sit and enjoy it, I tend to put it in the microwave for a warm-up at least twice before I`m able to finish drinking it. More often than not, it goes in to the microwave and doesn't come out for at least 8-10 hours when my husband opens up the microwave and asks me if I'm gonna drink this. Cheeky bastard.

• Just the other day I poured myself a huge glass of milk, which under normal circumstances would be fine, except for the fact that I haven't had a glass of milk in 7-months because the dairy affects Colsen's digestive system (via breastfeeding).

• And, the pièce de résistance that prompted this post... I was getting myself a drink, dropped a couple of ice-cubes in my glass, and then mindlessly dumped a scoop of Colsen's formula straight into it. I am calling it PC Organics On the Rocks, and currently shopping it around to a few of the swankier bars in the area.

If you can actually remember any personal incidents - funny or just weird - please share!

And, it begins...

As a parent, I think you always dread those questions that aren't necessarily hard to answer, but need some finessing when the answers are going to little ears. Where do babies come from? Why does Colsen have a penis? You know... fun stuff like that.

I got a doozy from Gaby a few nights ago, and the conversation just repeated itself tonight, with more wincing and backtracking than I care to admit.

We sing to her at night, before bed. She gets, on average, two books and two songs. Given the season I've been regaling her with my vast knowledge of Christmas carols and she's latched on to Away In a Manger. I do three verses, with the last part of the last verse going something like this:

"...bless all thy dear children
in thy tender care
and fit us for Heaven
to live with thee there."

Conversation #1 (Sunday night):
Gaby: Mom, what's heaven?
Me: Uhhh... it's a beautiful place that everyone goes to eventually. But not 'til much later. Good night, sweetie. *kisses her forehead and high-tails it out of there*

Conversation #2 (Wednesday night):
Gaby: What's heaven?
Me: It's a really nice place that we all go to eventually.
Gaby: Can we go to his house?
Mom: *wince* Yes, we can... but not right now... not for a long, long time.
Gaby: Can Colsen go?
Mom: *double wince* No, no Colsen can't go. Well, yes he can, but not for a long time, either.
Gaby: No... heaven doesn't like babies.
Mom: *speechless* Well, uhh yes... well, hmmm, babies don't belong in heaven. They belong with their Mommies and their Daddies and their big sisters.
Gaby: Ya. Mom?
Mom: Yes?
Gaby: I love ya.
Mom: *whew* Love you too, Noodle.

I'm thinking it's time to strike Away In a Manger from the playlist.

Any advice on this one...?

Pachelbel Canon in D: Memories, Comfort and Christmas

I'm a huge lover of music and due to the wonderful magic of Christmas(!) and a baby that sometimes needs some help getting to sleep, I was re-introduced to a piece of music that recently opened a flood-gate of memories.

Background: I was in bed with the radio on, tuned (of course) to the all-Christmas station. I also had Colsen's monitor on. The radio station was playing the Trans Siberian Orchestra's Christmas Canon, the base of which is Pachelbel's Canon in D. In Colsen's room, Francine the fish (his soothing-sounds aquarium) was on and the 'lullaby' playing was also Canon in D. It was the weirdest thing to hear such a rich version layered with the Fisher-Price crap version (coming through a monitor no less). But they were dead on in tempo, key and location in the song.

The first time I remember hearing the piece of music was on an episode of The Wonder Years. (I'm old.) Kevin Arnold was taking piano lessons and this was the piece he was playing for his recital. I fell in love it with right then and there. I was taking piano lessons at the same time and immediately told my parents that I needed the sheet music so I could play it at home. I didn't actually have to play it as part of my lessons, but I just needed to have the music and be able to play it. We bought it and I did.

Thinking back about piano lessons was a trip down memory lane. My piano teacher, Jill Simpson (God love her), seemed so very mean but was such a good treacher. I remember taking an exam  (Grade 4 RCM - theory and practical) and thinking I blew it. Got the results and passed the practical First Class Honours with Distinction, and probably got about 95% on the theory (written) exam. Imagine my surprise. Even as a 13-year old, I recognized then how good she was. Definitely a "huh, go figure" moment.

Her house smelled like mothballs, she only ever had blue & green Christmas lights outdoors and white Christmas lights inside. She had both a grand piano and an upright in one room, and what seemed like hundreds of those Royal Doulton figurines all over the place. She was also a member of our church, but moved to another church because the choir wasn't good enough(!). I will always associate the smell of mothballs with her.

I remember procrastinating as much as humanly possible when it was time to practice. I was asked to practice 1/2 an hour per day and yet probably only managed 1/2 an hour per week (not including the actual 1/2 hour lesson). Jill was particularly cruel those weeks. The odd week I did practice 1/2 an hour per day the lessons were wonderful. Clearly the positive re-inforcement wasn't enough for me to keep it up.

I remember Scotty (younger brother) being put through the ringer with Jill Simpson. Like, terrorized. I'll just leave it that he did not have to continue his lessons with her, or with the piano.

I remember my Mom getting a speeding ticket when coming to pick us up one day. We sat on the curb waiting for her, just wanting to get as far away as possible from that house after a particularly poor set of lessons.

I also remember my Dad. Despite my plunking on the piano, likely sounding far worse than better in all my years doing it, he would often sit downstairs in the family room and just listen. He loved it -- wrong notes and all. Something about making something out of nothing. :) 

I will sign my kids up for piano lessons. Gaby be warned.

Here's the tune that inspired the memories. Enjoy.

Overwhelmed, grateful and determined

For the last few years, as our family (immediate and extended) has grown, we have moved away from purchasing Christmas gifts for adults and focused only on the kids. This means that each munchkin walks away with, literally, a mountain of toys. Although it's greatly appreciated, it can also get a little out-of-control.

So, this Christmas, we collectively decided to Adopt-A-Family and transfer some of that "goodwill" to a family that needs it a little more. The process was dead easy. Our adopted family consisted of a single Mom with twin baby boys. Their wish-list was provided and, can I just say, it was slightly heartbreaking -- baby spoons and bowls, bathwash, warm sleepers, a high chair, snowsuits, hats, mitts, diapers, a winter jacket for herself, etc. Bare necessities really.

We fulfilled as much of the list as we could and today I dropped off all the goods.

The agency was sooooo very appreciative of all the items we provided, it was a little overwhelming. Even being in the CAS offices was a bit more than I could handle. While waiting at reception, I happened to glance at the sign-in sheet and it was full of Mom's coming to visit their kids. I could hear babies crying and it almost put me right over the edge as the gravity of where I was hit me. I'd had a bad morning, too, and it made my frustrations so unbelieveably lame in the grand scheme of things.

As an outsider reading the news, dropping toonies in the Sally Ann container and contributing via corporate paycheque, I am so far away from it all it doesn't even register. Because of that it's easy to forget. Today, being so very close to the sincere appreciation and sadness of it all, it really brought it home. I will never forget that sign-in sheet.

I've been pretty lack about keeping New Years resolutions in the past (I think I've been resolving to learn how to drive standard for about 15 years now), but at some point in the new year I am going to volunteer locally to help families in need, any way I can.

We have so much and I am so grateful for that, moreso now than ever before.